š Share this article These Words from A Dad That Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad "I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months." Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood. However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined. Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo. "I handled all the nights, each diaperā¦ every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared. Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone. The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing. His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly. He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant. When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out. Self-parenting That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood. He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures. Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood. The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship. Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish. "You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse." Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games. Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing. Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling. Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons. "I am now more capable ofā¦ sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."
"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months." Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood. However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined. Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo. "I handled all the nights, each diaperā¦ every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared. Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone. The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing. His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of manhood. Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family. Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly. He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant. When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out. Self-parenting That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood. He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures. Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood. The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship. Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish. "You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse." Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games. Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing. Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling. Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons. "I am now more capable ofā¦ sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."